I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
