What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
