i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
