I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
