he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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