the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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