so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
