I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
