I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
