Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
