You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My butt remains clenched, sir.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
