Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
