i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
