Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
