remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
