He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
