you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
