My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
