Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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