I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
