onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
