Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
