Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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