those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
