I cannot find my penis.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
