Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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