i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
