Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
