its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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