WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
