The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
