My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
