bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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