Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
