you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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