from now on my penis is your penis
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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