Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
