Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The air taste purple.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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