So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
