i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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