I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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