my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Randomize
