I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
