hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
