you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
