I'm eating all of the evidence.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Found your dick twin last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
