we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
