i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
