There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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