We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
