you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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